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Am I a lesbian?
Coming out and telling your friends and family that you are gay can be scary. But as 35 year old Aine Zimmerman found out, people are a lot more accepting than you might think they’d be. Here she shares her story and offers advice to girls who think they might like girls.
I was 26 when I came out. Since I was already independent, I wasn’t scared exactly, but I was very nervous about how my family would react.
I was worried that they wouldn’t feel like i was the same person they had known and loved. And it is true in some ways - I wasn’t the exactly the same person, but I was mostly the same person, and they accepted my small difference to the “old me” that they knew very well.
My brothers and my father pretty much didn’t bat an eyelash. They had some questions that I was happy to answer, but otherwise just gave me big hugs and said that whatever made me happy made them happy for me.
I worried about telling my grandmother, with whom I was very close, but who was a devout Catholic all her life, but she wiped away any fears I could have had by being exceptionally accepting - and going so far as to put together an amazing album for our [civil union] wedding and giving us “forever” stamps for our thank you notes!
Telling my mother was harder. We have always been very close, and it really threw her for a loop (partly because I had dated men, and some fairly seriously, before officially coming out). Like any parent, I think she was worried about the discrimination or pain I might face as a result of being gay. But she has made amazing efforts to understand where I am coming from, and we have had a lot of very honest conversations about my being gay, and are closer than ever now.
My whole family was amazing and supportive of me marrying my partner two years ago, and my mom also came to a Pride Parade with me in NYC last year. My straight friends have been overwhelmingly supportive and lovely about it. They too have had questions, but talking about it has always been helpful and pretty easy.
Of course, there are a few exceptions among friends and extended family, but hey, that’s life.
It is a wonderful relief to feel like I am not hiding anything anymore, and to feel like the people who love me really love me for who I am. I started noticing my attraction to women when I was in college, but didn’t really come out, even to myself, until after then. It is a process, and it is ok to do it in whatever stages are comfortable for you.
I wish I would’ve know earlier there’s not one “right” way to be gay though. There are lots of stereotypes out there about how you would look or act if you are gay, and I think that was one of the things that prevented me from coming out… I thought I had to fit some image of a short haired, anti-shaving, Birkenstock-wearing angry lesbian, but since I couldn’t wholly identify with that, I thought I couldn’t be or wasn’t allowed to be gay. How ironic that I thought I had to compromise some part of myself, when that is also what I had done by trying to fit into a straight lifestyle.
Coming out really meant fully embracing who I am. I can look however I want - some days stilettos, and some days sandals; I can fix a sink and sing a baby to sleep. I can enjoy both “girly” or “femme” things (often associated with being straight, too), as well as “butch” things - I don’t have to be either/or. What matters isn’t fitting into a box or type, but being who you are and being true to yourself and honest about what (and who), you want.
Article by Sarah Illingworth. Who is Sarah? Find out here and meet the rest of the 24/7 Girl team too. And don’t forget to check out Sarah’s blog here!
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nice, faithful story! you cant live fully happy, when youve gotta hide something that you just wanna let out. Posted by MEZMRYZx "on" 02/03 "at"08:09 PM |
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Good on you Posted by Crazy sam "on" 01/10 "at"11:53 PM |
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what an inspiring story.. thank you so much for sharing it with us Posted by smile_x "on" 11/29 "at"07:21 PM |
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Wow! Sarah that’s such an amazing story!
You’re family are just so awesome and I wish the same for everybody in the same situation. a friend of mine is in the midst of a mental breakdown because she’s too afraid to tell her family especially her parents. i’m forever telling her that at the end of the day blood no matter what is thicker than water. family will always be there no matter what. Sending her a link to this article without a doubt! Posted by jujuberry "on" 11/24 "at"08:09 AM |
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homosexuals are just as normal as people who are heterosexual, it makes them no more human then straight people. They have feelings just like everyone else and definitely need to be accepted into society, I know a lot of people who are homosexual and they are normal, act normal, are normal. I accept people for who they are, what they are and for expressing themselves rather then covering up their identity of who they really wanna be. I reckon hiding it is more harder then coming out and being comfortable with who they are. Posted by POWERBALLIN25 "on" 08/12 "at"10:46 PM |
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Family support is what matters. Posted by Bee "on" 08/11 "at"08:03 PM |
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Anyone read the recent study claiming we all look at our sexual orientation and perhaps change sides from 30 on? It was an interesting read. My own sister is a lesbian, I luv her to bits and luv her g/f too…I think being straight is a little weird and not as common these days, lol Posted by tkennard "on" 08/09 "at"02:38 PM |
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beautiful melon, tread carefully…teacher is a no go zone! lol. I think its more a safety net and trust issue with teachers tho  Posted by tkennard "on" 08/09 "at"02:37 PM |
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Awesome…fantastic and well done Posted by tkennard "on" 08/09 "at"02:37 PM |
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Well done! your so lucky to have your familys support! Posted by Xxc0rtxX "on" 08/08 "at"08:39 PM |
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well done i am glad i thought i had feelings for girls and i still do sometimes but i still like boys i am a bit worried though cause i like my teacher and shes 31 ! Posted by beautiful melon "on" 05/25 "at"05:23 AM |
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