I currently have a boyfriend, he’s amazing and I think I love him. He’s 3 years older, met my parents and we are in a very serious relationship. A few months before me and my boyfriend (call him Alex) started dating I had a different boyfriend (Tom), Tom was a bit of a douche to everyone else but he treated me really well, we had an intense relationship but it ended badly (he moved away). I havnt seen him in 7 months, but next week I’m going to visit near where he now lives and he wants to hang out. I immediately said yes, but I’m not so sure its a good idea. I tend to have trouble keeping my cool around this guy and don’t want to #### up the relationship I’m having with Alex. But I really want to see Tom!! He was a great friend… Help!

I think you should meet up with Tom. It’s hard when someone moves away, you have to move on with your life but it doesn’t mean you should push him aside completely. You obviously meant a lot to each other, you just need to really control yourself and make sure nothing happens between you both, just think how you would feel if you were in Alex’s situation and he was visiting his ex, I’m sure you’d feel very nervous. You need to think about what’s the worst that could happen, you have nothing to lose really.

I think it is SUCH a bad idea to meet up with Tom.
It seems like you still have feelings for him/maybe a little ex-crush but take it from my experience these things often tend to end up bad more often than not.
You could slip up and ruin your relationship or risk having a fight with your new boy. I think if you want to hang out with your ex again it should be with a big group of friends, in a chill environment where you’re not going to have a chance to stir up old feeling again.

Good luck though

My friends don’t get on with Tom at all, but they don’t know how much he was there for me during my depression.. Ive had two different replies and am as confused as ever, but I want to meet up with him. So I guess I’m going to. Thank you for the advice

Definitely meet up with Tom, could be good closure! And if its really that hard for you to resist Tom, maybe you don’t love Alex after all xx

But I do love Alex, I just want to see Tom… To see if I am over him? So yeah for closure

[size=1]if your boyfriend is fine with you seeing an ex boyfriend, then your one very lucky girl, i would suggest not to as much a you want to see tom it wouldn’t be a good idea to start dragging up the past. SO NOOOO NOOO DONT DO IT![/size]

Ask your Boyfriend if he minds you seeing the ex & I think you’ll have your answer.
If you were my GF & you did that without telling me & I found out I wouldn’t trust you again.
When a relationship ends so many women get into another relationship without healing from the last one and with that take emotions that not dealt with can be very distressing.  Talk to your boyf and be honest with him.  I’d be very interested to hear what you do and how things work out, I hope you let us know.  Best of luck for a good outcome.

I haven’t checked with him yet, he knows I’m in contact with my ex and it bothers him a little but he trusts me.
I definitely know that Alex is a much better boyfriend then Tom ever was, and I like him a lot more, but in a different way.
With Alex, I’m comfortable, I trust him with everything, we are best friends, and I lost my virginity to him.
And Tom… I just don’t know what it is about him, the main thing is we were there for each other when no one else was.
Thank you all so much for the advice Ill keep you updated..

Okay, so I cancelled the thing to go see my ex, decided it was a bad idea But then, when I emailed him to tell him, he was all like “Oh its cool! Im staying at a mates house just down the street from you”. I didn’t really believe him and took the dog for a walk, saw him sitting in his car waiting for his friend. I ran and hid at the park for a while. But he keeps texting me saying he wants to see me, and that he’s staying here for a few weeks. I don’t know how I can hide from him for that long :/ Im seriously freaking out, don’t mind seeing him once, but I’m pretty sure he wants to hang out a lot, theres no way I could handle that. PLEASE HELP ME! Im going away in 3 weeks, but what do I do until then??

Do you think it’s weird he never got in contact to say he was going to be there? 
The part of you that wanted to see him is obviously a small part, like the ‘run and hide in the bushes’ part was stronger anyway   I had to smile at that , it’s all Nancy Drew like.
Tell him your not so cool with hanging out as you don’t want to disrespect your boyfriend (who will, by the way, be impressed no doubt) and the past is in the past, love it and leave it there.
You’ll have things to do in the next three weeks that’ll keep you busy, you’ll want to spend time with your man if your going away.  Alternative universe Nike that ex and “Just don’t do it”. 

haha i felt so ridiculous hiding at the park Oh he’s always done that, likes to surprise me, when we were dating he used to turn up at my classes and drag me out of them so he could see me. I let my ex know I’m not so good with seeing him, but he said that doesn’t matter as he will run into me at some point.. Thank you so much for the advice Ill try stay away from the places he will be..

Hey!
On one hand i totally agree with you in that maybe you shouldn’t see your ex, you love your current bf and don’t want to screw that up and i think it shows how much you value your current relationship that you don’t want to do anything that will put it in jeopardy.  On the other hand i think you need to be careful about trusting yourself.  You said your boyfriend trusts you and thats great and very important, but you also need to be able to trust yourself around other guys else you’ll never be 100% confident in your relationship ( at least thats what I think).
I guess what i’m trying to say is that you may be able to avoid him for the next 3 weeks but you’ll never completely be able to avoid the situation!  Maybe you need to meet up with him in a ‘controlled’ environment, either with mates or only for a short time because you’re meeting up with someone (like your boyfriend) after.  That way you’ll be less likely to do something you’ll regret because either other people are around or you’ll immediately effect your boyfriend.  It will also help you have confidence in yourself that you CAN resist him and any other guy and from my perspective trusting yourself is just as important as your other half trusting you!
Hope it all works out for you!

I trust myself with everyone but this guy, Ive never cheated or had feelings for another guy while dating someone, and I’m not going to do anything stupid…but you think I should see him to find out if I can resist him kind of thing? Thank you so much

yeah maybe under the right circumstances you should catch up with him, maybe go with a mate, catch up over a coffee, or just say ‘hey i can only meet up for like 30 minutes cause i’m going out with my boyfriend’.  Make it clear that you’re not available and only want to meet up to see how he is etc.  Set boundaries for yourself (no hugging maybe or no being alone etc) and stick to them.  I recon that if you can get through it without doing anything stupid (even though you’re sure you won’t) you’ll feel a lot better about yourself!!  BUT only do it if you’re sure you want to :o)

I think it might be a good idea My friends don’t really get on with him, so ill tell him I’m meeting my boyfriend soon after Hopefully it goes okay, thank you