haeeeeeey Girlies (:

soo my mother is being quite a B***H to me lately im 18 and shes treating me like a 12 year old , she goes on and on about me acting my age and showing her with respect and take responsibiltie for my self blah blah blah .... when really i do show her respect but we just are clashing so much and its really annoying .

i dont know how to tell her that im going to move out and what she will say about it ....

its kinda a hard situation . and also i have no job now either .. so im not to sure what im going to do about money wise ...

what do you girls think ? and how old were you when you moved out ? and how did you all cope ?

thanks (: xx

Your Mum is most likely trying to do the best she can as she knows how.  Mothers and daughters often have times when they clash.  She can’t believe how quick you grew into a woman and you can’t believe how much she still treats you like a little girl.  It won’t seem like long ago to her that you ran to her with every little problem but now you probably hardly talk at all but for when a disagreement starts.  I moved out when I was 15.  I literally lost years with my mother as the world took over - work, relationships, friendships and the endings of these and the beginnings of so much more.  She wants the best for you and is obviously worried about your future for some reason or another, justified or not, her behaviour probably stems from her massive love for you but also a fear of failing as a mother that if you’re not on a set path to somewhere you may be on a rocky road to nowhere.  Me and my Mum are real close now but I regret so much the years I missed her in my life.  No-one can replace a Mamma, not-never-no-how.  If your reason for moving out is solely to do with you and your Mothers’ inability to get along now, I strongly suggest you ask her for a serious sit down to discuss your feelings about the way your home life has been unsettling you lately.  Go to her as an adult wanting a conversation.  Tell her at some point she’ll have to let go the apron strings and let you make your way in the world, mistakes and all.  Tell her you need her support though and you want to be able to come to her for advice through the good and the bad, not fearing her opinion or judgement of you but to be a friend who will listen, support, advise and comfort.  Of course though you have to back up what you say with actions.  If she says act your age, be respectful and be responsible - do it, they’re all pretty simple, but do it first and foremost for yourself.  Being respectful doesn’t mean doing everything she tells you do it means putting thought behind your actions and attempting to do the right or positive thing.  How are you planning on moving out if you have no source of income?  You’re not going to become a ‘couch girl’ I hope .  Can you cook for yourself and others a variety of foods? Who do you plan on living with?  and where?  Obviously you won’t be able to get by without flatmates, unless you’ve got a sweet inheritance coming soon rents pretty steep out there for most these days.  Instead of rushing into moving out you could come up with a plan together with your Ma that would see you be ready to move out in 6 months or so.  Have your Mum teach you about budgeting, cooking, cleaning, bill paying, food shopping etc.  Get prepared, if you aren’t already I should add.  It may all seem simple but it’s way diff when your on the bones of your ass with nout but two cents to rub together, which is right about the time Mamma says “I told you so”.  It would give her the opportunity to see how mature you are and assure her you’ll be able to look after yourself when you do move out also giving her time to get used to the idea.  It could help you get close again too.  Wow, I just looked at how much I’ve written, its probably enough to think about for now.  I hope it helps and best of luck for whatever you decide to do. 

hahah i know right , but thank you . it has given me alot to think about and all of it is relivent as well ....
yes i will be moving in with flatemates there will be 3 others that ill be living with i have got aplace all sorted out and everything i cant wait to move there , its just talking to the mother that scares me the most , what if she says no that i cant or gets real shitty at me which she is known to do as well ... whats your advice if she starts getting all angry and shitty at me about this ? thanks babe (:

wish you luck

I hope she’d realize pretty quick that being rash, judgmental and unsupportive is going to serve to push you away quicker.  Realistically if she says no you can’t go, what can she do to stop you, you’re 18 aren’t you?  But do you really want to go without her support?  Where/who will you run to when the first argument happens?  When there’s urine all over the toilet floor (yes, boys do that and don’t clean it up), when no-one else wants to cook or clean?  When you get home to find people you don’t know wandering about and eating your food?  You’ll need someone like a Mamma to chat to eh?  I’d be more scared of the weight I was going to gain from too many takeaways than from talkin’ to the Mamma .  I still don’t get how you plan to pay your way, is someone going to cover you til you get work?  If that’s the case keep very good records of any money lent or borrowed and if you’re not working expect everyone who is working to expect you to do the cleaning   .  You have to talk to your Ma soon, show her some respect by not dumping it on her the day before you move out, give her some time to adjust.  It’s going to be very hard for her to let you go, you’re her little girl.  You sound like it’s very set in your mind to do this, is there anything that would make you want to stay at home or are you just ready to fly now?  Broach the subject, if your Ma gets all chitty chitty bang bang on you tell her you’ll come back to talk when she’s ready to treat you like the adult you are and have a calm conversation.  You don’t want to let it turn into an argument, after all you’re trying to show her how grown up you are, don’t turn into the six year old that has a tanty coz she doesn’t get what she wants.  Show her these posts, ask her why she thinks you find it hard to talk to her, does she realize that her negativity makes it harder for you to come to her as you’re worried she’ll react in a negative way.  The last thing we want to do is disappoint our parents but when they show a lack of trust or belief in you it can tend to make you keep more stuff to yourself.  You don’t want things to be like that do you?  Do you have an Aunt or a trusted friend of your Mum that you could ask to be there when you talk to your Mum, someone who could act like a mediator to help keep things calm and focused on the topic at hand?  That may help a bit and hopefully keep your Ma from flying off the handle if like you say that is what she’s likely to do.  Put together info for your Mum on where you’ll be living, who with, how you all plan on figuring out bills etc, show her that you’ve considered this a lot and have thought of various scenarios and problem solving.  Tell her too that you’ve been scared to talk to her about it and that you never want to be scared to come to her so she has to start listening more with her ears and an itty bitty bit less with her big ol’ Mamma heart.  Don’t forget too that Mamma has fed and clothed you, guided you, cleaned up your cuts and picked you up when you fell, at least ask her over for dinner once in a while, show her how well you’re becoming a ‘grow’d up’ .  Things will fall into place as they will, like they say, what will be will be.  I can say don’t make the same mistakes I did but we never make the same mistakes, humans have this amazing ability to screw up in a plethora of ways.  Just don’t sacrifice your relationship with your Ma, I can honestly say you will regret it.  Try to be honest with her, how she reacts is up to her but I hope she chooses to support you in a positive way.  Good luck girl. 

Try put up with this as long as you can and im sure you will be fine. I know what its like to have a Mum to treat you like a 12 year old. But I work full time and if i was to move out i would be struggling big time. Just try ask your mum for your independence and maybe you will be sweet