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How can I get my self-confidence back?
I recently went through a patch where I was really down and couldn’t find the bright light in anything. It pushed me to rebelling a whole lot in a variety of ways. What are some ways in which I can make myself feel better without having to rebel and be secretive? I’ve also lost a lot of self confidence which is resulting in my marks at school coming down a whole lot.
Before I get into this, I just want to point out that I am no psychiatrist. The only thing I have to go on is my own experience.
When I was 15 I went through a tough breakup. I found it hard to get out of bed in the morning; I couldn’t see the point in getting up. Staying in bed curled up in my blankets suddenly seemed to be the best place in the world, which was unusual for me because I loved school and seeing all my friends. When I did get up I cried all day, no matter how many people I was around. Everything seemed to make me sad, I couldn’t watch the news because all the stories I saw made me cry. I stopped making an effort in anything; I ignored my homework, stopped washing my hair, and stopped playing the sports I loved… I just couldn’t see the point in it anymore. I withdrew from my circle of friends and stopped eating. Finally one of my friends convinced me to talk to the school counsellor and I realised what I was going through was depression.
Talk to someone
When I look at some of the things you’re describing it reminds me a lot of that period in my life. I urge you to consider talking to someone, a trusted adult, school counsellor or even a psychiatrist. Talking your feelings through with someone who understands what you are going through is really helpful. Most importantly they can give you tips on things you can do to make it easier for yourself. You can take a friend along to your sessions if you want. Not only will it give you someone to give you support, but it also means that your friend gets a clearer idea of what you’re going through, so that she can support you.
Getting the emotion out
When your depressed emotion tries to get out whatever way it can. Some people cut themselves, I cried all the time and you feel pushed to rebelling. Getting the emotion out by talking to a counsellor will stop you from feeling this way. I also found that when I got really down it was a good idea to distract myself from my feelings. I would get my mum to tape all my favourite TV shows, so that whenever I felt things were getting too much I could just sit down and chill out for an hour or so. Books are also really good for that.
Support system
My friend who would come to my counselling sessions with me was also a great distraction. We developed a system, where whenever I needed some support I would call her and just say “Hey Megan, I’m feeling really low.” She’d distract me by telling me jokes and funny things about her day until I felt a bit better. Half of it I think was just knowing that I had someone there for me.
You’re not alone
Most of all remember that you are not the only person who feels this way! Millions of people all over the world suffer from depression at one point of their life. You will get through it. I haven’t felt depressed in years, and I’ve gained a lot from my experience. For one thing I now realise how strong I am and every time I feel sad I think to myself “I’ve been through worse than this, this is nothing.” Also remember that it’s OK to ask for help at any time, it doesn’t mean you’re weak. No one can go through life on their own. We all need someone to lean on. I know it can be daunting (and embarrassing) to go to a counsellor, but trust me on this one – its well worth it in the long run. Plus you only have to tell the people you trust. The counsellor will only tell your parents if they feel you are in actual danger (ie: your hurting yourself) so you can trust them to keep it a secret if you want.
Got a question for Sarah? We’ve all got ultra-personal stuff going on in our lives – but chances are, plenty of others have been through the same thing! If you’ve got a question or a problem, just ask. We’ll do our best to hook you up with realistic advice! (Check out previous questions for more helpful tips).
Find out more about Sarah Hensby-Bennett and meet the rest of the 24/7 Girl team here.
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