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Having sex for the first time
Q. My boyfriend really wants to have sex, but I don’t think I’m ready. I’m only 16 and even though lots of girls my age are having sex, I just don’t know if I should yet. We’ve been going out for about 6 months and he says that he loves me but I feel like he is pressuring me. I don’t want him to break up with me over this though. Any suggestions?
A. If you feel he’s pressuring you it’s probably because he IS. He’s probably a great guy, and I’m sure he doesn’t realise that he’s putting you in this situation… which is why you need to tell him. Explain to him that even though you love him, you just don’t feel ready for a sexual relationship yet.
Don’t rush into it
It’s important for your relationship as well as your own well-being that you don’t rush into this. If you let your boyfriend rush you into having sex you will end up resenting him, even if he doesn’t realise that he’s pushing you into it!! I think the best way to deal with this is to just sit down and talk to him face-to-face and heart-to-heart. If he really does love you, then he’s going to want to know how you’re really feeling! Also, remember that just because lots of other 16 year old girls are having sex, doesn’t mean you have to too. I know a guy who’s 20, still a virgin, and happy as can be about it – he’s just waiting for the right girl to come along. Sarah xx
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Its a true known fact, all boys want sex. Its also a true fact that to get it, they will say the nicest thigns to you and melt your heart into runnny chocolate, dont fall for it. Posted by swagger27 "on" 11/16 "at"03:15 PM |
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He is pressuring you, and that’s not ok. I hate how different guys are to girls, it makes things so compicated. Posted by Wonderful.♥ "on" 05/14 "at"06:09 PM |
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Screw him ! Posted by Rewa "on" 03/23 "at"01:54 PM |
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I think this would be SO relevant PLEASE READ ******* I have been dating my boyfriend for about 14 months now.. and we haven’t had sex. AS a teen ager its so hard. i mean i get that you dont wanna chase him off by saying no.. but really if he’s presssuring you it kind of means hes just thinking about his own happiness and pleasure and not thinking about you AT ALL ALSO. if he walks aways because he cant get sex….. Posted by Lexilove "on" 03/03 "at"09:37 PM |
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I’m 20 and I’m still a virgin. I’m proud of it. I know most people my age already started having sex in their mid-to-late-teens, and I’ve had several guys ask me out. However, I didn’t feel they were the right one, so I waited. At this stage in life, I’m not sure if I’m ready for a serious, committed relationship (unless that someone special does come along and it really bowls me over!). Right now I’m focused on finishing up my studies and pursuing my dreams. I’m trusting it will happen one day in the right timing, but I definitely don’t want to rush into anything and cheapen the experience. I want to be able to tell the person I love someday that I saved myself for them and they are the first and only other person to ever receive that gift. I know other people have different views, but that’s just my own personal preference—and it’s a decision each individual has to make by themselves. Your boyfriend should respect you all the more for having the confidence to tell him that YOU own your body, no one else. You’re the only one who has the right to decide what happens to it and when. If you would rather wait (and the best advice my dad ever gave me was that the biggest decisions in life never need to be rushed), your boyfriend should respect and honour your decision. If he gets mad or threatens to leave you, he doesn’t deserve the wonderful person you are in the first place. If he keeps trying to pressure you, it means he’s more concerned about himself than you and that’s not how a relationship should work. From what you’ve said though, I truly hope he is none of these things, and he sounds really nice—six months is a solid start to a relationship! I know it can be tempting to cave in when you’re afraid that people will leave you or not love you if you don’t do something, but Sarah’s right—they have a duty to realize that if they truly love and care for you, they’ll want the best for you—especially if that’s being willing to give you more time to think something over or wait until you are ready. Be strong and stay true to who you are and what you want. Never do anything you know you might regret later on. xo Posted by Remy "on" 03/02 "at"02:23 PM |
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// Btw i didnt mean my friend waited till marriage, i meant she waited till she was ready.
Take care darl <3 Posted by nibel3000 "on" 02/24 "at"03:12 PM |
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Hey hun, listen I’ve been in your position and I was so close to making the wrong decision but I definitely know i made the right one.
I decided not to because I just wasn’t ready. We were in love and we still are now, we still haven’t had sex but our love is stronger than ever and our relationship is incredible. He really wanted to have sex at the beginning and he still does now, BECAUSE HE’S A GUY, the same way most girls need love to be in words, most guys see the expression of true love as something physical (sex). I felt pressured by him and it hurt to feel that way but then i thought about it like this: first decide what your virginity means to you (for me its something that is special and unique to me, something that guys want and something that I want to lose when the moment is 100% right), then think about whether or not you’re ready, my bf loves me and he’s told me that he really wants it but that he’ll wait until im ready and if you’re boy is the same then you’re relationship will be fine. If he isn’t the same, and he’ll break up without sex then babe it really isnt worth it, you’ll find someone who WILL respect it. Btw if you’re bf accepts it and you stay together, just remember its a little hard, like when we get physical its not always easy to avoid sex but just try to do it in a cute or sexy way, like wink at him and be like “nice try babe”. It doesnt have to feel like your relationship is missing something, just remember that he wants to feel special to you too. Never do anything in a relationship that you’re not 100% ready for, the genuine guys will respect your strength and self-respect, or even if they can’t understand it completely (like my bf), they’ll accept it because of how they fell for you. And the guys who don’t respect it honestly just don’t deserve your attention because they’re the ones that dads warn us about, the ones that want ‘one thing’. I hope your bf will be able to accept that hun. If he can’t then its up to you what to do, I hope you can be strong and make the decision for YOU and not for him or for the relationship. I’m waiting till marriage to go all the way, and my bf is ok with that. Whether you’re story is like mine or my friends or how ever it is, just respect you’re own feelings. Good luck hun xxx Posted by nibel3000 "on" 02/24 "at"03:10 PM |
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#### no! Don’t give in to this guy because HE wants to have sex. Think about this guy, he is pressuring you to lose your virginity to him and if he doesn’t respect your feeling on the matter then what is there to like about this guy? Talk to him and try to get him to understand your point of view, and if he still tries to pressure you into having sex, dump him. 9 times out of 10 he will break up with you a while after, and in the process probably brag to his friends that he “popped your cherry”. Guys at 16 generally think with their ##### instead of their brain…no wait…that has no age restriction.
Wait for someone who respects your values. xx Posted by Shalana "on" 02/23 "at"10:27 AM |
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Wait until your ready. You don’t want to end up regretting it, especially when your first time is supposed to be special and when you’re ready, not because you’ve been pressured into it. I’m 17 almost 18 and still a virgin. I don’t know many girls that can say that anymore but,I’m proud of that, and plan to wait until I’m 100% certain I want to do it. Chances are your not going to be with this guy for the rest of your life and if he breaks up with you cause you won’t have sex with him, he’s not worth it and obviously doesn’t love you the way he says he does. Make sure your comfortable first. Posted by Georgiaaa "on" 02/18 "at"04:18 PM |
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Babe, there are a whole lot of things that you really should consider and ask yourself before you jump into this. maybe if you feel comfortable enough you could talk to your boyfriend about it and see whats going on. i mean like these other girls have said, and is true, if your boyfriend really did love you he would be more than happy to wait until you feel comfortable, ready and happy to do it under your own terms. it shouldnt be something you do just to please someone else. you should really stop and think because in the long term, you really dont wanna regret it or have to get down on yourself because you remember making this decision that you knew you werent happy with. i went through the same thing with my boyfriend a few weeks back, i finally felt comfortable enough to sit down and talk to him about it because it really was something tht was bothering me, but he understood me and he respected my decision and we’re stil together now and we have both decided to wait for the right time for both of us. i really hope all goes well for you babe(: god bless.xx Posted by Miki.Manic.Mayhem "on" 02/17 "at"08:30 PM |
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If he loves you then he will understand that you’re not ready and he will wait for you. It’s your life not his, so don’t let him pressure you into having sex if you are not ready. You’ll know when the time is right and if your boyfriend really does love you he will happily wait until then. If you have sex just to please him you will always regret it. Just do what you feel is right. It’s you who will have to deal with the consequences of sex if it doesn’t all turn out right. Talk to him and I’m sure he will understand! Good luck!! xxxx Posted by Hello1234 "on" 02/16 "at"03:41 PM |
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If he really loves you he wouldn’t be pressuring you into doing something your not ready to do. Posted by suniasunshine "on" 02/13 "at"02:56 PM |
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If he really loves you he will wait for you to make sure you won’t regret it It will be fine! Posted by Zebraellz "on" 02/13 "at"02:33 PM |
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If a guy really loves and cares about you, i guess he would really understand how you’re feeling and respect that  , that’s just my opinion though. Only do it when your ready, it’s your decision and no one elses and the first time is meant to be special because I’ve heard you remember it for the rest of your life Posted by Peter_Pan "on" 02/11 "at"10:43 PM |
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I think sex for the first time should be your choice and ONLY your choice! And any time of having sex whether its the first second third….. Your body is yours. Always use protection. Go tot he doctor regularly for check ups to make sure you dont have STI’s or STD’s. But to be honest i wish i still had my virginity. So i say if he breaks up with you for not having sex with him hes not worth your time! Goo d luck girlie! Posted by 34263 "on" 02/11 "at"06:27 PM |
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Sex is not just about the body, it’s mostly about your spirit and soul. It is a physical way to give away the most important thing you will ever have to give someone. Chances are at 16, you haven’t met the right guy. All of my friends who have given it away have broken up with that person afterwards. So, I really feel that no one should do that until they are legally bound to the other person (married). I am a Christian so that is part of the reason why I think that but also it makes sense. Posted by Kirstie89 "on" 02/11 "at"04:24 PM |
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Tell him, “(insert name here), I know you really want to have sex, I get that, but it feels like you are pressuring me into doing it, and I’m just not ready yet. I know you say you love me, but, will that change after we do give in? Would you still be serious with me after getting what you want? You may think you have the right answer straight away, but think about it properly, look within yourself and feelings, and tell me what you think.” It might help, I’m not sure, but it cant hurt to try. and besides, you maybe 16, but i was nearly 18 when I did it for the first time, so just take your own time and pace, okay hon? Posted by 17248 "on" 02/11 "at"04:15 PM |
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Don’t let somebody pressure you into having sex, even if he does not realize he is doing it. You will know when you are ready, just because a lot of girls have started having sex at an early age doesn’t mean that you have to. Posted by BekaAshley "on" 02/11 "at"04:08 PM |
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Although with it being the 21st century ‘people’ now say “try before you buy” - In some cases yes I suppose it could be true, sometimes you have great intimate relationships and it leads to that time when you feel you really want to make love to this person. BUT Just because you love them so, as they do you…. It doesn’t mean you ‘have to feel’ like making that sexual connection. Whether or not he is the right one, it’s when it feels right for you and not when it feels right for the other… When you’re ready, you are ready…. never at the demands of another should you ever go through with it. Regardless if this ends your relationship it must be because it was right for you! Remember it’s your virginity that you’re giving away and it ONLY has to be when you are ready for it, even if you don’t stay together IT’S only when you are ready. Posted by Vaike "on" 02/11 "at"03:03 AM |
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LOVE IS PATIENT AND KIND;(If he loves yOu he wOuld wait fOr yOu even if it was fOrever!) LOVE DOES NOT INSIST ON ITS ON WAY(He wOuld nOt insist On it when its clear yOur nOt ready); LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS; BELIEVES ALL THINGS; HOPES ALL THINGS; ENDURES ALL THINGS(If he lOves yOu the way yOu lOve him?, then leaving yOu Over this? is nOt possible)...Sister!this is YOUR life, YOUR bOdy dOnt let anybOdy clOud YOUR judgement and YOUR needs…dOnt be pressured if lOves yOu that much and he wants tOo shOw it then tell him tOo shOw it by taking yOu Out to a mOvie, buying yOu gifts, Or just spending time with yOu…:) thats LOVE withOut the STIs and HIV..and Girlfriend yOu certainly dOnt wanna be making jelly-babies just yet..:D x CheeriOz Posted by tewii bewii "on" 02/10 "at"11:18 AM |
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if he breaks up with you over it then he is not worth it, wait till your ready other wise you will regret it.. tell him to back of if he dosnt dump him.. your still young you will find a new guy who will respect your wishes Posted by tamstar22 "on" 02/09 "at"08:08 PM |
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If a guy really cares about you, he’ll be willing to wait for whenever you feel ready. No matter how long it takes. No one should ever let themselves feel or be pressured by a guy who isn’t like that. It’s not a fair situation and one that is lacking complete respect! Posted by Bayley "on" 02/09 "at"07:41 PM |
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Definetly say no if you dont feel comfortable and he should respect that Posted by XSherbertxx "on" 02/09 "at"04:12 PM |
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Any guy worth being with will not break up with you for not having sex with him, and if he threatens or implys a break up then he’s simply not worth being with! Girls take losing their virginity a lot more seriously than guys do. So it’s ok to feel protective of it… Tell him you’re not ready and that you feel he’s pressuring you, if he’s a good guy then he’ll back off. Posted by chelliebells "on" 02/09 "at"03:53 PM |
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If he’s pressuring you don’t do it. Virginity is like a bubble one prick and it’s gone forever, you should definitely wait till you are comfortable to do it with someone you love and who you feels exactly how you feel. If he really liked you for who you were he would wait till you felt the same way. Rushing into things like this is not the right way. The consequences are for life. Posted by POWERBALLIN25 "on" 08/14 "at"07:30 PM |
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say No, if he respects you he will understamd Posted by Xxc0rtxX "on" 08/12 "at"10:31 PM |
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A very good advice from Sarah, I say. I know the answer sounds as if it’s a cliche, but she’s absolutely right. Rushing into things sexually just because you want to keep your bf, or make HIM happy almost always ends up being a disaster. People say that guys love to have sex and girls have sex to be loved or show that they love. This is not always right, yes, there are guys who are nice and decent however that doesn’t mean they should pressure you to do things that you are not certain about. Having sex with your partner is a very, very special thing and potentially be dangerous if shared with many people. So please consider the matter very seriously and be firm in your belief about whom you would like to share such intimate act with. If your bf respects you and cares for you he should understand Posted by 47611 "on" 06/11 "at"08:11 PM |
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I reckon you should wait until you feel 100% ready. Just tell him nicely. Tell him when he isn’t in the ‘mood’ coz he’s less likely to be hurt coz the emotions wont be as wild… if you get what I mean. Just have a chat, and if he’s truly a nice dude, hopefully he’ll respect that. It is definately a big deal, so dont let it off easy. Plus, if you guys can be honest to eachother and communicate well it builds trust, which in turn builds the relationship. Good luck. x Posted by Nade92 "on" 05/14 "at"08:35 PM |
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Never let anyone pressure you it is your body at the end of the day and if you don’t want to then it is ok to say NO if they break up with you cause your not like the other girls then thats fine at the end of the day you have saved yourself from a whole lot of other complications like STI’s HIV even pregnancy and you still have your self control you go girl stick to what you believe is right for you. Posted by sarita "on" 05/14 "at"02:43 PM |
Best of the rest
