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Do your Mums issues become yours?
When famous make-up artist Bobbi Brown was 18, her mum said she’d pay for her to get a nose job - only Bobbi had never thought there was anything wrong with her nose! Ouch.
In About Face, Bobbi writes, “I still remember the moment [my mother] sat on the bed and told me that she loved me and wanted the best for me. She said that a nose job would make me more beautiful.. Saying no helped me to define what I believe about myself and led me toward the work I’ve devoted my life to.”
Today, Bobbi heads up Bobbi Brown cosmetics - one of the biggest make-up companies in the world. One of their main aims is to teach women to use make-up to enhance their natural beauty, not use it to hide their supposed flaws. Bobbi was able to turn her mother’s criticism of her into a positive thing. How can you do the same?
She’s a big girl.
A look at any women’s magazine makes it clear that getting older isn’t a guarantee we’ll stop worrying about how we look or what we weigh. Sad as it is, many women battle insecurities about their appearance for much of their lives.
Your mum was your age once! Most women who have issues about how they look say it all started before they hit 20 - and some never shake those worries. Even if your mum is super-confident, chances are she gets down about her looks sometimes. Having said that, hearing your mum, your sister or another woman you look up to complain about their appearance can have a really negative impact on how you see yourself. By criticising herself, your mum could be encouraging you to do the same without realising it.
She means well.
While few of us have a mother who’d suggest plastic surgery to make us prettier (I hope!), some mums think they’re doing their kids a favour by talking weight loss 24/7, or they’re just oblivious to the fact they do it. Some girls’mums are constantly on at them to lose weight - even though they don’t feel overweight themselves. If your mum always points out your flaws and it bums you out, tell her she’s doing more harm than good. Hopefully, when she hears that she’ll stop!
Talk it out.
If your mum is starting to bring you down by obsessing over weight loss, or is just generally way too self-critical, tell her how it makes you feel. Let her know you love her how she is, and that it makes you sad to hear her talk about herself in a negative way.
If she’s critical of how YOU look, confront her about it. Let her know you love who you are, and that there’s enough pressure on you to look a certain way without her adding to it! If she’s specifically convinced you need to lose weight, check in with your doctor or school nurse to make sure you’re a healthy weight for your age and height. If you are, tell your mum and ask her to stop bothering you.
If you are overweight, ask your doctor how you can adjust your eating and exercise habits so that you can maintain a healthy weight. It’s important to look after ourselves by eating a balanced variety of foods and keeping active!
Tip: If you feel like your mum’s obsession with weight is more about her own insecurities than anything else, ask her not to ‘talk weight’ around you.
Tips for dealing with a ‘down on herself’ mum.
- Tell her: I love you, you should too!
- Encourage her: by telling her all the things you like about her.
- Ask her: to ‘talk health not weight’.
- Remind her: of all the things she has to be happy about - like you!
- Fine her: 50 cents every time she criticises herself!
Remind your mum that how she talks about herself affects how you see YOURself. Ask her to help you love who you are by loving herself!
Best of the rest
